the difficulties of being a fainter
Whenever I tell people I have fainted before and will faint again if I am not careful, they get weirdly fascinated? for some reason? And then I find myself having to say, 'No, this isn't cool actually. I really cannot tell you how awful the pre-faint sensation is.'
I haven't actually fainted in decades. If I remember correctly, the last time I did, I thought I had busted a toenail. Keyword, 'thought.' I hadn't and yet I still keeled over in front of my mother. Because that one was so embarrassing, I have fought tooth and nail to avoid actually passing out ever since. However, that does mean I have had to fight through way too many pre-faint sensations, where the nausea does feel like it's trying to kill me and for some reason I am unwilling to let it do so. Instead, I lie down on floors that I should not be lying down on and puke in bathroom trash cans. For fun, you know, for the fun of it.
I'd like to say that it's only after viewing egregious amounts of blood or horrific injuries that I feel like fainting. But no, that would be too simple. Instead, I have almost passed out from biting my gums too hard and playing a video game with not incredibly realistic graphics. Of course, I did actually pass out when my brother broke his arm when I was 6 and will never be able to get a shot or my blood drawn without the potential of it going sideways very quickly, but those are relatively normal.
But even if they're normal, almost expected reactions, each instance has annoyed the hell out of me. I mean no one likes being sick, but I just hate it. And the times where I want to faint for incredibly stupid reasons, like stubbing my toe, make me hate fainting even more. Because what do you mean this made me deeply ill? Stubbing my toe made me so deeply ill that I had to lie down. That's just so stupid! Utterly stupid!
And it's entirely genetic, which does make me laugh despite the frustrations.
But yes, stupid annoying thing that happens to me. Not cool at all.
~nan
I'm in my honesty arc today.