floundering again
This post was intended to be about boredom. But it came out more negative than I wanted. It was honest and for that it is valuable to me, but the honesty had an edge that I hated.
It was not as if the words wouldn't have been useful to someone; I can't imagine my words getting twisted so drastically. But there was a part of me that thought, 'Oh, I don't like how I sound.'
That has been happening more lately. I've been trying to write for my book. I ran into a dead end again, then found a work around, but there was still an odd emptiness, dissatisfaction there.
Lack, loss, something.
My thoughts aren't fully forming. They circle in on something just to pull back at the last second, instead of going in for the kill. Everything feels unfinished, half-hearted, empty. My mind isn't running like it should be, or how I expect it to at least.
I'm frustrated, and a little lost. But that's ok; I'm wading through something new. If I had all the answers, I wouldn't be lost.
I almost said I have to be positive. I want to be positive, hopeful. This isn't something that's demanded of me. It's from me. I want it and I know its value. It's a challenge, but therein lies the beauty.
~nan
Words aren't forming like they should. A pity all I want to do is write.